[Arthurian Legends] - Do you still care about me (complete)

Do you still care about me?
Fandom: Arthurian Legends
Disclaimer: The legends are in the public domain. I use no reference to any works, so all is mine.
Spoiler: None.
Status: Finished
Rating: K
Genre: General, Romance
N/A: Fic written for a prompt at the Arthurian fanfic meme hosted at Arthurian Fic sur lj.
Summary: I'd love to read a story with the pairing Kay/Arthur (but gen with Kay and Arthur as friends is fine) where Kay is afraid he'll lose Arthur now that Arthur is the king. Bonus point for Bedivere helping them.

Kay was looking at Arthur on the training field. It was well past midnight and almost everyone had gone to sleep by now. The only people still wide awake were mainly the guards and drunk, though Kay doubted this last category could count as wide awake. This night he wasn't any of those categories, this night he had just wanted to wander around the castle to clear his thoughts. It had been a strange decision that even he was not sure he understood. Usually the best way to clear his thoughts was to get drunk, really drunk and pick a fight. This technique never failed to work on him but this time he somehow knew it wouldn't, or rather he felt it wouldn't work because it hadn't the previous time. So he decided to try a technique Bedivere had told him about: walking in the silence of the night with ones thoughts. So far it had done him no good, no good at all and he was almost quite ready to burst into Bedivere's room to yell at him about having such stupid ideas and imposing them on people. That was not the truth but Kay was good at arguing and was nearly upset enough to do it. Just nearly enough... With any other person he would have already done it but not with Bedivere because the other knight was also really good at arguing, but even better at not responding and at raisonning and Kay didn't like that, not when he was in this mood. But all his plans and thoughts had come abruptly to a stop when he had spotted Arthur in the training field. It was the last person he had expected to meet and the last one he had wanted to see on that night for it was because of the high king that he couldn't sleep. The High King... He hated that term, hated it with such a passion that it was sometimes hard to bear any thoughts about it. It was not that he wasn't loyal to his king, or that he wanted the position. No, he was the most loyal of the knight and definitely didn't relish the high king position. He loved him and all he was doing, and that was exactly where the problem was. He loved the high king. He wanted to punch the wood of the fence at that thought but didn't dare do it for fear of being heard by Arthur. Instead he closed his fists as hard as he could and suppressed a groan. He wanted to remain silent, he didn't want Arthur to notice him because if he did, he would come speak to him and Kay didn't want that. Or rather Kay didn't want to talk with Arthur right now. Because that was the problem really. Arthur had no more time for him. He was always so busy with royal affairs and battles planning. Not that Kay was not of help with this last task but it was not like being with Arthur. It was always professional and so many other knights were usually around. It felt like Arthur didn't have any more time for Kay, it felt like Arthur didn't care for Kay anymore now that he was High King. Now that Kay was his inferior he had become useless and was only given the position of seneschal to keep him quiet and happy. It was like all the years they had together were lost on the High King, like Kay had never been there for him, like he had never taught him how to handle a sword and how to drink. It was like Kay didn't exist anymore. Kay felt a sharp pain coming from his fists and forced himself to untangle them. He would be no good at fighting if he hurt his hands. He kicked the ground in protest of not being able to act and just as he was about to turn away, tearing himself away from the sight of Arthur to find a tavern in which to apply his method of clearing his thoughts, the High King called his name.

"Kay! What a surprise to see you here."
His voice was cheerful and easy going. There was no hint of the tone of his royal voice. It was Arthur, little Arthur that grew up with him. Kay felt almost happy at this thought, but the pain of losing him was too close to his heart for happiness to win.
"And what a surprise to see you here."
Arthur laughed.
"Well, you taught me that I needed training to be perfect and midnight is a perfect time to train as the fields are all mine and no affairs of the state is likely to call me away."
Kay couldn't supress a smile. Yes, he had told Arthur that million times after beating him to exhaustion. It had been a happier time then, just the two of them and the whole wide world to conquer. Just the two of them.
Arthur reached Kay at the fence. Kay could see the sweat running down his cheek from his damp hair and for a moment lost all ability to think. Luckily for him it was dark and Arthur didn't notice his staring at the drop of sweat.
"Would you like to train with me? Just like old times."
Arthur was still smiling and Kay was sure he could see a glitter of excitment in his eyes.
"Huh?"
Arthur laughed again.
"Where are you Kay?"
Kay grunted to reply and jumped over the fence to join Arthur onto the field. He grabbed the nearest sword and by then had regain all his stature.
"Right there, ready to put you to the ground."
A michevious smile appeared on his lips and he forgot about losing Arthur for a moment. In that instant all he could see was the smile on Arthur's lips and the joy in his eyes to fight with Kay, to spend time with him in one of their favourite past time.
"I've been training you know."
"As if that could ever help you to beat me."
Arthur laughed once more and Kay took the opportunity to send a first strike to his friend and Arthur became a bit more serious, getting lost in the fight.

They fought for what felt hours but was probably no more than an hour and a half. They were now lying on the ground, resting silently. Kay had won most of the fights but he had to admit Arthur was more than a worthy oponent. The brute force of Kay was a macth for the bright intellect of the young High King and together in a battle ground they were a perfect mix.
"Kay?"
"Hum?"
"I missed this."
Kay turned to his side. He was not sure he had heard the words well for Arthur's voice had barely been louder than a whisper.
"You what?"
His own voice was low, as if afraid to make this conversation louder would stop it.
"I missed this. You and I."
Arthur's turned his head on those last words and stared straight into Kay's eyes who was left speechless. Did Arthur really just tell him he had missed him? Was he really admitting that he had never put him aside in his life because he didn't need him anymore?
"Kay?"
His voice was slightly worried now. He was clearly expecting an answer but Kay was not good with those kinds of half whispered conversation and didn't know what to say. But at the same time he knew he had to answer, he had to give a sort of reply to his friend. And so he blurted out the first words that came out of his mouth.
"You mean you care about me?"
Arthur smiled and tenderly punched Kay in the shoulder.
"Of course I do."
"But... you never spend time with me anymore."
Now that Kay had started he felt like he couldn't stop, as if he had unleashed a barrier and that the water was now flowing free.
"You're always so damn busy and you never seek me out, you never talk to me anymore like you used to. You don't even care when I come to you alone and you always find some excuse to run away."
Arthur lowered his gaze guiltly at the sound of the angry voice of his most loyal knight.
"I know."
"What?"
Kay didn't hear the words and was getting mad at Arthur who was murmuring incomprehensible words. He got on his feet and was ready to leave and let Arthur to stay lying here and there on his own.
"I know, Kay", repeated Arthur louder as he was standing up. Once on his feet he grabbed Kay's arm to stop him from walking away and stared him in the eyes, forcing Kay to look at him, straight into him.
"I know", he repeated one more time.
"Why!"
It was more a cry of despair than a real question. Kay couldn't tear his eyes away from Arthur and was stunned still by what he was seeing in the young man's eyes. There was so much pain and yet so much love and need. Kay was afraid to understand what it all meant but he didn't have time to ponder as Arthur's lips soon where on his and he lost all track of thoughts, all idea to even start thinking again. He could feel Arthur's muscular body pressing against his, his hand sliding away from his arm to his back, as if claiming Kay as his property. And all Kay could do was respond to the kiss and lean into Arthur's embrace, pressing his body harder against his. He hadn't known it, not really, not consciouly but that had been all that he had wanted. Those lips, there, on his. This warm tongue invading his mouth and sending waves of insanely high pleasure into his body.
Out of breath, Arthur parted his lips from Kay but kept his body against his.
"Because I love you too much."
"So... you still care?"
Kay's voice was insecure, his thoughts process out of control and he wasn't even sure of what he was saying.
"Of course I do. I care too much really. I..." Arthur hesitated a moment as if the thought he wanted to express was painful. "I... tried to push you away. I thought maybe it would help stop those feelings, this need of you but that didn't work and all I managed to do was hurt us both." He paused. "I'm sorry."
Kay wanted to punch him friendly in the arm to punish him but that would have implied getting his arm away from Arthur's lower back and break their embrace. And he really wasn't sure he wanted to do that so he didn't and just said "You idiot." Arthur laughed at the gay tone of the knight. It was all he had needed to know he was forgiven. He leaned in to lose himself into another kiss. This time, when they broke apart they were lying on the ground, their hands hungry to explore the skin underneath their clothes. Kay was smiling as Arthur was trying to work his way across the laces of his shirt.
"So... does that mean you're going to be my wife?"
Arthur laughed and forgot all about the laces and just tore the shirt apart.
"And what make you think I would want you as husband" replied Arthur teasingly.
"Oh nothing. It's just a vague impression." And with tha Kay grabbed Arthur's face in his hand and kissed him deeply, emprisoning him into his embrace.

allis
16/07/2011